gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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