So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
