Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
