We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
