NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
