Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
