God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
she smelled like a LAN party
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
