To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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