I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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