Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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