Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
