I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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