I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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