Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
