Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
