I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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