He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
