I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
