is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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