You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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