we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
