Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
