come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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