I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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