Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
