shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
