We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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