god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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