I wish I only lived at night.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
