did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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