Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
