he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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