Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
