He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
