I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
