took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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