just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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