So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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