D3 body, D1 cock
Porn is love you can see.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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