best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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