rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
