I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
