dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
