Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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