He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
