We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
