Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just pee around me
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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