You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
