Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
