He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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