do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
