I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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