My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
