Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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