I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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