her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
