Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
