can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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