How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
