Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
