rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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