He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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