Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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