Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
